I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
