well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
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