I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
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