i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
