Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
i came on her dog
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
The feeling are messing with the penis
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
How does one acquire holy water?
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Randomize
