He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Randomize
