And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
