drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Randomize
