Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
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