Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Randomize
