Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
Randomize
