I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
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