what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
