happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Randomize
