I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
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I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
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If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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