After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
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