my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
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