Banned from zoo.
Again?
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
Randomize
