I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
