Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
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