We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Randomize
