the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize