Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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