so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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