He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
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