guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
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