You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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