he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Randomize
