thus making me awesome and them whores
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Randomize
