I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize