So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
