Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
