i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
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I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
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You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
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