I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
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