No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
