so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Randomize
