JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Randomize
