my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
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