You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Randomize
