umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Randomize
