seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Randomize
