: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
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