just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
mondays should just be called national damage control day
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Randomize
