note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
