yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Randomize
