just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
