I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize