i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Randomize
