I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Randomize
