Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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