I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Randomize
