Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
