So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
Randomize
