omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
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