i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
Randomize
