his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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