it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
