I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Randomize
