party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
