thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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