Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
