And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
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He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
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