my vag is so smooth its legendary
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Randomize
